Lynne Jones – December 2024

A poem about social stigma and Christmas exclusion from PTA community due to non-heteronormative relationship structure and finding a BDSM community. 

Christmas

Christmas in the town of Bolly 
Revolved around the REDACTED Party 
Like excluded Bridgeton’s at Queen Charlotte’s soirée 
Draw-bridges taken up sharply 
 
Too awkward for us to be included 
Ostracised judgementally, wounded 
A darkness fell over me that night 
Forever turning off my fairy lights 
 
Left the house, shaken, in distress 
Jump in front of the Polar Express 
Christmas dreams a broken mess 
Deeming my relationship less 
 
One year heralded as the party star 
The next year cast out so far 
No where to go but a Leather bar 
Where we are accepted as we are 
 
No fucking wonder I feel unstable 
The empty chair at the Christmas table 
The son who wishes I was dead 
The sister who can’t get it through her head 
That it’s perfectly acceptable not to rewed 
Marginalisation the golden thread 
 
In her castle up high on REDACTED Mount 
Queen REDACTED putting the empties out 
Forgotten what Christmas is really about 
Friendship, kindness and Brussel sprouts 

“By Identifying our own personal pain around being ostracised, we become more conscious and sensitive to others around us, and more aware of how we collude in creating and perpetuating the othering process.” (Shahbaz & Chirinos, 2017). 

Reflection:

I remember feeling like the world had ended when I was excluded.  The experience of marginalisation was very painful and isolating.  It felt good to find acceptance in the BDSM Leather subculture.  This supportive community accepted me and provided a great structured social scene that is friendly and fun and has events all over the world that I can join.  And the dressing up  in hyper masculine leather is exciting for me.    

Suggestion: What questions does it raise for you, if any.