Lynne Jones – January 2025

I have a deep connection to the music of my teenage years. When I was being reflexive about this song it brought systems of oppression to mind.

It’s a sin

A weekend in Morrocco on a cafe terrasse. 
Pet Shop Boys playing Rent, in acoustic jazz. 
Always loved it, and looking again … 
It’s about a woman who takes the money then feels she cannot complain. 

That her hopes and dreams went down the pan 
As she sold herself sexually to a random man. 
Passive and easy and no challenge or effort, 
But something is screaming about regret, noticing that her needs aren’t being met. 

Nothing too distressing to get upset about –  
Apart from all your hopes and dreams that you need to forget about. 
Back home, the Spotify playlist moves to “It’s a sin!” 
An uncomfortable knowing, the truth lies within … 

“Father forgive me. I tried not to do it” 
I’m LGBT and I’ll no longer subdue it. 

Moustakas (1990) talks about a symbolic growth experience.  Following incubation a new revelation is illuminated.  O’Hara (1986) comments this emerging and unfolding experience that enhances identity and self-hood is a valid form of psychotherapy. 

Self-dialogue: Has it ever been ok to be me?  And how does this inform my practice as a psychotherapist? Reflect on the when and where and what and how of the experience of “being ok to be me?” How to get more of that feeling?  How do I even begin to understand who I am, what I want, what I need, how I feel, when I am so out of touch with my intuition and body and I’m busy with other people and their demands and plans and ideas of what is right or best for me or suits their agendas without even considering mine.  Where is the time for me? To understand myself, my hopes, wants, thoughts and feelings? And to process my hurts and God forbid identify patterns that I can stop and change and grow from and stop this hurt and upset and sickly feeling that I cannot get what I need.  That I should be grateful and not cause a fuss and do something uncomfortably right for me and my ambitious heart.  That is the real “sin” here. 

There was something about being Morrocco and understanding my privilege. Morrocco faces significant civil rights issues for women and LGBT people. This includes discrimination, violence, and criminalisation.  Three years in prison and a fine for same sex relationships, and sex between non-married adults is criminalised (although this is under review).