Lynne Jones – January 2025

This poem introduces my experience of reimaging a sexual identity in the face of rejection, grief, estrangement, and parental alienation.

Rejections Pain

Bumped into an ex, he looked old and little 
Conversation between us, stifled and brittle 
I had to fight for a single crumb, of information about my estranged son. 
 
His remaining vestige of power over me 
Enabling my son’s estrangement and hostility 
This painful mental reality, keeping me on the brink of suicidality. 
 
The story, he had lost all sexual interest in me 
Feared the truth I was boring and ugly. 
Got a second opinion and it made me see, I was banging hot older “Lady”. 
 
He did not like my vagina you see 
After he had had a baby with me 
My cunt, gash, vagina, muff, deemed by him as not good enough. 
 
Reflecting back, I think it is nasty 
I ever considered a vaginoplasty 
I’m perfect exactly as I am, and it has been verified by another man. 
 
I fell in L.O.V.E. The Jarvis cocker kind 
Where you blow up your life and you lose your mind. 
Dare to dance naked in the sun, take a vibrator in your bag when you go for a run. 

Swing naked from a tree in the rain.  
Moments when I don’t feel the pain.
Orgasm again and again and again. 
Again, and again and again. 
 
You punish me for finding sexual joy. 
You weaponised our boy. 
I’ll do what I can to fight rejections pain, and I’ll do it again and again and again. 

Self-dialogue:  

The choice of the word “Lady” was well considered.  Lady conveys respectable well-behaved woman.  Equally, ladies do not say cunt, which is considered the most powerful or offensive word in the UK according to Wikipedia.  This poem represents transgressive sexual behaviour for married respectable ladies.  The poem represents the power dynamics in marriage, the power to control sexuality and sexual pleasure.  Also pointing to mental health challenges relating to power and control.  It shows resilience, autonomy, and personal agency to fight against oppression. 

“By Identifying our own personal pain around being ostracised, we become more conscious and sensitive to others around us, and more aware of how we collude in creating and perpetuating the othering process.” (Shahbaz & Chirinos, 2017). 

Reflexivity: Discuss the potential benefits and limitations of marriage on sexual expression, and what the implications of this may be.  What presenting issues might clients bring to therapy?  How might this be the same or different given further intersecting marginalised identities. 

Discuss alternative relationship styles.